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I’m laying here while you’re asleep and I’m just thinking and thinking and thinking like I always do because that’s me. I’m the girl that over thinks everything and picks apart every little detail of every little thing until its nothing. But it’s never nothing is it because I always find something new to think of… And I fucking hate it, I can’t stand it. I asked you right before you fell asleep if I was a shitty person and you said no… But we both know that’s a lie. The reason why you don’t see it though is because you love me… I don’t get how you can stand to still be around me. I can’t even stand myself. I’ve been thinking about it and at first I thought maybe I am strong because I haven’t given up yet.. But I have, I’ve given up on myself and I found that I gave up on myself a long time ago… I’m not here still because I’m strong though. I’m here still because I’m a coward. I’m too scared of death to just go through with it and take away the misery. But I’m too scared to live my life because every time I’ve tried I’ve managed to fuck it all up…

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How is it even fucking possible that the one person who saved you from depression could put you right back where you started from in the blink of an eye…

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It’s getting harder to force myself to forget about you…

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A Goodbye Letter To You…

I don’t think you’re worth my breath or time anymore and I don’t think you deserve any last words from me…. But, I still had to get it off my chest because I called you tonight and you made me realize something….


You’re such a hypocrite. And you’re a coward and pathetic. You made promises you should have never made. You don’t just mess with someones feelings the way you did! You don’t fucking mess with someone’s heart like that. You don’t say you’re gonna marry someone, you don’t try and start a family with someone and then just walk out of their lives like they were never ANYTHING to you. You’re literally making it seem like I’m absolutely nothing to you, or like I’m a piece of dog shit to you.&Yeah, You actually made me believe that you loved me. When you love someone you don’t just “let go” or “give up” or change over night the way you did. And I’m the pathetic, naive, gullible, foolish little girl that fell for it all because I am so in love with you and would have done absolutely anything for you. I still try like an idiot too. Even after everything… But, you know what, I’m gonna try really REALLY hard to stay away from you and I’m gonna try even harder to forgive you because I’m not gonna let the anger I have towards you build and I won’t become bitter like you. There’s a really nice guy that has been desperately trying to talk to me and I’ve always blown him off for you. But, not anymore. He’s not little boy like you. He’s a man. He has a job, he has a car, an education. He’s respectful, he’s mature, he wants to pick up the check after dinner, and opens the door for me. Lets be real here, the only reason why you graduated on time was because I did all the work for you. If it wasn’t for me, you would be stuck in high school still. You have no education, no job, no car. I supported you. I paid for everything. I put gas in your truck and took you out to eat after a date to the movies that I payed for! I will never put another guy before me the way I did with you. And even if it doesn’t work out between me and him, it won’t matter. Because I know one day I will find someone that will appreciate me.

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Update.

I haven’t really been on here, not as much as I used to be at least. I kind of lost touch with everything. So I guess I can update you.
See, in the past couple of months I:
•Lost my grandmother
•Lost my boyfriend
•Dropped from college
•Got fired from my job at Applebee’s.
•Finally got tested for STD’s. (Something I have been wanting to do for so long, and I’m proud to say everything came back negative. I’m sure some of you that don’t know my history will judge.)
•Lost my best friend

Yes, all of this has happened. BUT, God is by my side I hope&I will find the strength to get through all of this. I still have air in my lungs, food to eat, and a roof over my head.

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75 Things to Remember from Carrie Bradshaw

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man’s character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Don’t force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don’t let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don’t settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship, take that as a BIG sign that he isunstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are still not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren’t involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There’s only one ‘reason’ a man dumps you; he doesn’t want you.
18. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. If he doesn’t call, he just isn’t that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord. Don’t be strung along.
26. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused role”. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don’t wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There’s more than physical abuse; there’s emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them … flee!
29. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
30. Don’t let him place rules on you that he isn’t willing to follow himself. Double standardsshouldn’t be patronized.
31. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are … even if he has more education or is in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man; nothing more, nothing less.
33. Demand respect. If he can’t give it, he can’t have you!
34. Don’t compete with other women, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he’s lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliment. Look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else’s man.
40. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you. And it doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom, ‘get it right’ the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the # 1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb.
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable available; someone un-giving giving, and someone unloving loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is a two-way street.
49. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships … there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complementary, not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun … even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man’s “therapist”.
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it … but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type.” When a man loves you, there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for you.
59. Make him miss you sometimes … when a man always knows where you are, and you’realways readily available to him, he takes you for granted.
60. Give him his space. Let him go out with his boys. Don’t pressure him to spend time with you. You can’t force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn’t allow your daughter to be with him, you shouldn’t.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother’s house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don’t depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it’s time to let go; let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don’t play games.
72. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

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Those lonely nights where the demons come out to play….

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Breathe..

'Stop having such a negative outlook on life, be a more positive person. 'Learn from your mistakes, and always remember them. Don't just forget about the lessons you learned. 'Believe in yourself more often. There will always be someone prettier, smart, or even more outgoing, but who cares because you are you and you should always live life to the fullest. 'Just cause you can't get it right the first time, doesn't mean you should give up. 'Get rid of the negative things that hurt you, bring you down, or hold you back. 'Just breath, Daniela. DONT OVER THINK THE SITUATIONS YOU'RE PUT THROUGH. That's a flaw you can overcome. 'Don't forget, everyone makes mistakes. It's okay to make them. Just learn and move on. 'Forgive and forget, but don't be so naive or gullible about it. 'Don't take anything for granted, it's not always gonna be there. 'Appreciate the little things in life. 'Don't get worked up over something so little, so fast. 'Always remember what you're worth, which is always a lot more than you think. 'Don't depend on anyone, 'Don't let the sadness control you, don't let anything control you. 'Don't ever forget that “this too shall pass”. 'People change, things change, everything changes. 'Stay optimistic. 'Quit trying to make everyone else happy. 'Don't be bitter, ever. No matter how many times you've been hurt, or how angry you are at the world. 'Don't play the blame game, just accept it&grow from it. 'Stop putting yourself down, you are worth a lot more than you think. 'You're going to lose and gain people throughout your life, some very important to you some not so much. Remember that. 'Life doesn't wait for anyone. 'Don't sit down and question yourself.

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Class of 2012..

It’s official. I am no longer a high school student, I am a freshman in college.

On one hand, I’m a little sad that it’s over. But, on the other hand, I’m glad it’s over and done with. It’s more of a bittersweet feeling. Some people say that “it’s JUST high school”, but for me it was different. There were moments where I had so much fun I didn’t want it to end, and then there were those moments where I hated it and didn’t know if I could keep going. I had good times, and hard times. I had great laughs, and unbearable heartbreaks. I gained friends, but lost them as well. I have memories that will always be apart of me some good and some bad. High school taught me so many different things. In a way, I guess you can say it helped made me who I am today. One thing I learned is to never lose track of who you are. If people don’t accept you then who cares. All that matters is that you stay true to yourself. Don’t lose yourself in what other people expect out of you. I had to learn that the hard way. 

I’m proud to say that I made it though, I never gave up. I never stopped working, and I finished. &I’m never going to stop working toward the rest of my goals until I achieve them. I will always look back and remember what I went through, and I will use all the negativity that I endured and use that to help me. To me, high school was a huge accomplishment. Not my biggest one, and not my only one, but it is a great accomplishment for me. There was a point during high school where I was seconds from giving up. I’m glad I didn’t. I have so much more to live for. I look back now, and I admit I made some horrible decisions. &If I could, I would do it over again in a heartbeat. But, I cant. &I’m okay with it. I will just keep growing as life goes on. I will fail and learn. 

I did it.

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March 6th, 2012…

I need to stop this bullshit. Crying myself to sleep every night. Getting mad for no reason. Isolating myself from the ones that care for me. Feeling pitty for myself. Thinking that the world is against. I need to just stop, breath, and fix things..

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February 20th, 2012.

I’m not really sure if this is hurting me or if its helping me in the end, but I decided that as of today I’m going to keep telling myself that I honestly just do not care anymore until it becomes true.. 

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(Source: staypozitive)

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# "When I look in the mirror, I know I’m looking at someone who isn’t sure she deserves to be loved at all."
Nicholas Sparks, Dear John  (via dolefulness)

(Source: larmoyante, via morningsattiffanys)